Food (not so), Glorious Food

Wednesday 29th February

Urgh, food.

I never thought I'd ever say that.

I've always been a lover of food, eating it, cooking it, watching endless hours of cookery shows and collecting vast numbers of recipe books.  I fear my love affair with food has come to an end with this cancer diagnosis.

I know it's a necessity to eat, I know that it will keep my strength up through my chemo but almost all food has lost it's appeal now.

I'm really cross about this.  The joy of going out to dinner, looking forward to perusing the menu and eating the finished product seems so alien to me now.  I hate the fact that cancer has taken this joy away from me.  I'm sure and I hope, that it will be a temporary thing.

Truth is, I'm scared to eat some things now, in case it encourages my cancer to return.  No more red meat, no more sausages or bacon, absolutely nothing processed, any food with sugar or too much salt is mostly a thing of the past to me.  I fear it, I was never a massive eater of these things, but the very thought of having to eat these things now makes me feel sick.

I stare insanely at all the nutritional values of the foods I eat, and if I even think it's got too much of a good (bad) thing in it, I dismiss it and will find something that will be more bland and healthy.

Trying to eat healthily with practically no large bowel presents challenges.  I'm eating more fruit, veg, nuts etc than ever before...lots of cancer beating vitamins, minerals and antioxidants...but what does that do?  Makes my stomach ache and the inevitable rush to the loo.  Can't flaming win!!  I was told by the surgeon that my tummy will adapt, but it could take months.  Guess I should be more patient, but when you're told that these foods help through chemo, you immediately jump to give your body the best chance.  Stupid bowel cancer.

This is all before the cumulative side effects of chemo kick in.  I may not get them, but foods tasting different and mouth sores appearing could hinder the urge to eat all the more. I've picked up some useful books relating to this subject from the Macmillan lounge at the hospital and all the advise and recipes look very practical, I will try to follow these but I know it's going to be a struggle.

Crikey, that was a moany blog entry! I'll be more chipper next time.

Chemo #2 this Friday, that means I'm a sixth of the way through.  One way to look at it I suppose!

Hayley x