My symptoms, operation and recovery.

I realised that I've never really fully explained as to how I'd been diagnosed with Stage 3 Bowel Cancer and thought it was about time I spilled the beans (so to speak).

It'd first started when I was carrying Autumn, at about 23 weeks into the pregnancy (June last year) I awoke in the middle of the night with the most excruciating stabbing pain in my left mid abdomen. I could hardly move the pain was so crippling. A trip to the emergency doctor that evening and it was concluded that I was suffering with round ligament pain. Autumn hadn't moved much that day either so I was told to keep an eye on her movements and if she wasn't moving to call the hospital the next day to get a scan. Thankfully, the next morning she was hopping around on my bladder, and as odd as that sounds, it's actually a very nice feeling!

The pain subsided very quickly and I thought nothing more of it.

Fast forward to mid August, this was two weeks after Autumn as delivered 13 weeks prematurely, the pain had returned in the same place so I went to see the midwives at Southampton General where Autumn was staying on on the Neonatal ward. The midwife poked around and described a palpable lump, but it was most likely something to do with giving birth two weeks before via c-section and things were just 'settling down'.  I was given antibiotics as my infection markers were slightly elevated, the pain eased and I thought nothing more of it. We were too busy visiting our daughter twice daily to worry anymore about it, she had all of our focus.

No more symptoms arose until early December. I noticed more urgency to rush to the loo, stomach bloating and cramps and a general feeling of exhaustion. I put it down to feeling very depressed about the loss of Autumn in August. I wasn't coping very well with her passing away at all. I couldn't accept that her early arrival was 'just one of those unfortunate things' which is what the doctors had put it down to, her restricted growth was due to a blood clot compromising the placenta - why did this happen?
I felt tortured that I didn't have any answers and I missed her more than I can describe in words, especially coming up to Christmas.

Me and Autumn having cuddles before the worst happened, I miss her so much:

As December progressed, my tummy pain was becoming more acute and I ended up at A&E with the pain. The nurse curtly asked me if I'd taken paracetamol to help with the pain. Paracetamol didn't touch it! The doctor felt around my tummy and again the lump was there and infection markers were up and I was anaemic. I was also given a smear test to check for anything untoward in that area but thankfully it came back clear. I was sent away and was given a referral for a scan on my abdomen which I'd have to wait for two weeks.

Two days later I was having diarrhoea and started vomiting. Putting it down to IBS for which I've had bouts on and off for years, I phoned my GP to get it checked out. The GP thought it was IBS from the symptoms I was describing, even with the lump and I was prescribed Buscopan to stop the cramping, the doctor asked me to see her at the end of the week.

I got progressively worse and only now had I noticed a bit of blood when going to the loo. The end of the week arrived and after several days of sickness, diarrhoea and tummy pain - I was feeling terrible. I went back to the doctor, this time she had a more senior doctor sitting in the office with her, I guess she was appraising her. I looked awful and the doctor noted this, I was incredibly dehydrated, the doctor felt my tummy again and suspected it to be Diverticulitis. With this, I was given an immediate referral to the surgical assessment unit at my local hospital.

We want there straight away and I was given a bed quickly and placed on a drip to hydrate me. Doctors came in, felt my tummy, hmmm'd a bit, said it could be Diverticulitis or Crohn's disease and went away. This continued for the next three days. In this time I was actually starting to feel better. Sickness and diarrhoea had stopped and I was feeling more lively. I was sent for an ultrasound, X-ray and CT scan. I thought the doctors would review these, give me some pills and send me on my merry way.

No, this didn't happen.

Tuesday December 20th 2011 is a day I'll never forget. The surgeon, Mr C came into my room and told me I would need an operation the next day. He'd assumed the doctors had already told me this and what I would need an operation for. I didn't have a clue. I asked him why and he said, 'has nobody told you?' Erm, no!!! Mr C then told me they would be operating on me tomorrow and would be treating it as a bowel cancer removal procedure......

......????

What? I couldn't believe what I was hearing, surely their must have been some mistake! People with cancer are really ill and people with bowel cancer are a lot older than me?! I was asked if I have family history. I do, on both sides. Mr C said I was very young to have bowel cancer but it's not unheard of although quite rare. I asked him if this is the reason why our baby had stopped growing and her premature birth. My answer was given at last, he said this was very likely. The fact I'd been pregnant at the same time as having this tumour would have accelerated the growth and taken the blood supply away from her and also having cancer increases the chances of blood clots, the one which had compromised the placenta.

I have a deep hate for cancer for doing this to our daughter.

The next day I was prepped for theatre and said goodbye to Paul, I was scared that I wouldn't wake up from the operation and really sad to see him go.

In theatre, I was fitted with an epidural which was painful unlike the one I had for my c-section. I think it's because it was inserted higher up in my spine. Lots of people in scrubs and masks then shuffled me into a 'bear hugger' a device that keeps you still and warm during the operation. The theatre was freezing so this was quite welcome. After that I remember nothing until I woke up in recovery 7 1/2 hours later.

What my tummy looks like after surgery, bruises are from Clexane and Filgrastim injections:

I woke up in quite a cheerful mood, I was chatting away to the nurses who said I was very alert and chipper despite the length of time I'd been under anaesthetic. At this point they told me they would be removing the epidural and placing me on a morphine drip machine as I'd had my surgery as keyhole rather than as open, my recovery would be quicker so no need for the epidural big guns.

I was hooked up to the Morphine and it was keeping any pain at bay until I was wheeled around to the high care ward, where they forgot to plug it back in. I was pressing the button which would administer Morphine every six minutes but nothing was happening, the agony was immense! We only realised after about an hour that I was getting no pain relief, so we buzzed the nurses and they swiftly plugged it back in! The pain eased quite quickly after that.

The next few days were a bit of a blur, the surgeon had come by and said he was very confident that he'd removed everything bad and that the tumour was quite big, the size of a fist!

Being on the high care ward was certainly an experience. During the blur I was made to get out of bed the day after my op and walk myself to the end of the ward and back. That was painful. The nurses on that ward were mainly military and they were brilliant.

One particular nurse, a Captain (soon to be promoted to Major) in the Army was excellent. Captain M was caring but she wasn't taking any nonsense! I was made to move around despite my protests that it hurt too much. She told me if I didn't move I'd be at risk of pneumonia due to the lungs not inflating properly. The Captain was always there if I buzzed straight away. The day after I had my catheter removed I hadn't had a wee for nearly 24 hours. Captain M wasn't having any of this! She wheeled around a commode (yes, you have to leave all dignity at the door when you've had this sort of operation) closed the curtains and ordered me to wee within the next hour or that catheter was going straight back in, she didn't want me going into retention. This frightened me into finally having a tinkle and I was congratulated. The Captain had a real knack of making me get on with it!

Christmas day arrived and as a present my bowels had woken up after the op. My goodness, I wish they hadn't! I was moved from the high care ward to a normal recovery ward and I was up and out of bed every 15 minutes for a trip to the loo. My tummy was very painful as my pain meds had been lowered and every time I got up to walk to the toilet it felt like climbing a mountain. Worst Christmas day ever.  The nurses showed me some festive compassion and I was moved to a side room where the 15 minute loo trips were more comfortable and I had privacy.

These frequent trips to the toilet continued for the next 48 hours.  I begged the nurses for Imodium but I was denied due to having my recent operation.  I was so low at this point, I thought this would be my lot in life.  Always chained to the toilet. Gradually things improved and I was able to eat more and the loo trips became less.  Finally, eight days post op I was allowed to go home and recover.  I'd never been so happy to leave a hospital!

Here's the educational bit....

The main symptoms of bowel cancer are the following, these may not always be present:

• Bleeding from the bottom
• A change in your bowel habit for more than 3 weeks
• Abdominal pain, especially if severe
• A lump in your tummy
• Weight loss
• Tiredness

If you have any of these symptoms, you must see your GP as soon as possible.  It probably isn't bowel cancer but better to be safe than to take a chance.  95% of the earliest stage of bowel cancer is curable, I'm at stage 3 - more difficult to treat but still curable.  There is no need to be embarrassed, it is better to get these things checked now than wait until it is too late.  I'm telling you that surgery and chemotherapy is no fun and I'd rather you didn't ever have to go through it.

These amazing charities have been so helpful since my diagnosis, there's a wealth of information that's been invaluable to me:

http://www.beatingbowelcancer.org/
http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/
http://macmillan.org.uk/

I would urge you to take a visit to these sites!

Hayley x

Chemotherapy #5

I'm 41.6% of the way through on my chemo treatment according to my Dad, that sounds pretty good to me!

So, after almost 3 weeks in hospital I triumphantly returned home yesterday just to crash out on the sofa and sleep all afternoon. With each cycle, it seems to drain my energy levels more and more. It's a fatigue that not even the many hours of sleep I've had can fix.

I'm not complaining though! I'm home, I have all my comforts, my lovely comfortable bed, Paul can rest now and the ability to please myself. I'm feeling quite happy that I don't smell like hospital now. No matter how much you shower, hair wash and scrub, there's always that faint whiff of bandages and sterilising solution whilst staying in hospital.

So chemo number 5 was given to me as an inpatient and it was ok this time. I had no reaction to the chemo, the nurses ensured I was pilled up to the nines to prevent this from happening.
I had no sickness, just a bit of nausea, the only problems I've had is the stomach pain from which it's still recovering from the 4th cycle. I've been given morphine to manage the pain at home and it seems to be keeping that under control.

Neuropathy reared its ugly head for a time today, just need to remember to keep my hands and feet warm!

I'm free for a week and will be admitted as an inpatient on Monday for my sixth chemo. I'm too much of a loose cannon these days to be let home after the chemo so I'll probably be in until at least Thursday. I don't mind so much, it makes me feel safe that if anything goes wrong the staff are there to help straight away.

Dr B, my oncologist, seems to think I have some particular enzyme missing or faulty that helps break down the chemo. This is why he thinks I have such an adverse reaction. We want to keep pushing on with the treatment but do it as safely as possible, hence being an inpatient when the infusions happen.

I had a CT scan at the weekend to determine if I am still cancer free. I'm nervous but hopeful that with the surgery and chemo it hasn't had the chance to come back. I'd certainly hope that the way the treatment has made me feel so far, cancer cells haven't even had hope of blooming. I'll probably find out the results of these next week so I'll keep you posted.

For the next week, I'm going to enjoy my freedom - I did a lot of retail therapy from my hospital bed so I'm using this time to enjoy my purchases and possible make a few more!

See you on the other side of chemo #6!

Hayley x

Chemo #4 DENIED (for now)

Really? I'm only 3 cycles in and now my white blood cells have decided to pack up, go on holiday and not return in time for chemo #4. This is a little bit annoying as I'd geared myself up for my next treatment, warpaint and all - much like Mel Gibson from Braveheart but without the questionable Scottish accent.

I have to go back bright and breezy on Monday to have another blood test to see if they are at 1, they're at 0.7 right now so I'm what's considered moderately Neutropenic. If I'm back up to 1 I can have chemo on Monday afternoon. Yay(!)

A couple of positives to take from this small break;

1) I get to spend a nice, healthy, productive weekend with Paul.

2) If the chemo is destroying my healthy cells which do grow back, I can only imagine they are nuking any rogue cancer cells, if any remain, which don't grow back (hopefully)!

I knew all was not going to plan when we got to the day unit today and my name wasn't on the list for treatment. The receptionist asked us to go and sit in the waiting area whilst she found out what was going on.

Half an hour later, Blanquita the most amazing head nurse called my name and asked us to follow her into a side room.

Blanquita is from the Philippines. A rather round lady with the sweetest, tiniest voice and bubbly personality. So friendly and reassuring. At her request I'm to call her 'Ate' pronounced 'Atta' which means older sister in Filipino. So I do, she's my newly adopted older sister who takes care of me.

Ate asked us to sit down and she explained to us that the chemo hadn't been dispensed and she would find out why as soon as possible. I wouldn't be having it today as by the time it would be dispensed it would be far too late and they would have to keep me as an in patient, something they want to avoid when I'm fairly healthy (germy hospitals).

Ate went away to find out if I could be booked in on Monday, she came back and said my white blood count was a bit too low to have chemo today anyway so a couple more days reprieve and to get my body in a stronger place to go for #4.

So, I have another weekend of FREEEEEEDOM (apologies for the second Braveheart reference in one post), I'm going to really enjoy it, but avoid large crowds so not to catch any germs (hmmmf).

Hayley x

Chemotherapy #3

Friday 23rd March 2012

It's been a week since Chemo #3 and now I'm only just about getting around to post about it, slacking!

So how did it go this time?

Well it was similar to #2 but far less aggressive.  My real problem is the allergic reaction that we believe Oxaliplatin gives me, the oncologist believed that this would be solved by a large dose of antihistamines and hyrdocortisone prior to the infusion which was also extended from 2 to 3 hours.  A slower infusion is sometimes used to reduce the side effects.  As well as my daily Clexane injections I now have a 3 day course of G-CSF injections between each cycle to prevent Neutropenia. The injections aren't bad and as long as they keep my white blood cells at an acceptable level that suits me.  The last thing I want is a nasty infection to prevent me from pushing through these horrible chemo sessions!

Chemo day was quite long due to delays in getting the treatment started and we got home at about 7pm that evening. The usual symptoms had started, hands ceasing up, muscle twitching, pins and needles and the cold sensation in my fingers and toes but these are fairly manageable if not a little annoying.  After avoiding food most of the day to prevent any chemo sickness I was quite hungry but decided to play it safe with soup and bread for dinner.

After waiting for a couple of hours to see if any of the allergic reactions would kick in, I began to feel quite tired, counted myself lucky and went to bed at 10.30pm......

....then 1am came around.  I'd been dozing on and off but then quite suddenly the chills and aching legs had started. I woke Paul up, "I feel really sick". A few seconds later I was violently sick, I'd felt quite pleased with myself for being prepared with a sick bowl next to the bed as there was no way I was making it to the bathroom.  The sickness carried on for about 10 minutes, Paul got me to drink some water when I'd finally stopped but that came back up again.  Gross.

When I'd stopped throwing up a couple of minutes later, I did feel better but I noticed I was feeling hot, very hot again.  Paul was already on the phone to the oncology unit at the QA and I checked my temperature.  39.2C (102F), oh dear...back to the fever again.  As Paul talked to the nurse, I was popping another antihistamine and paracetamol to help bring my temperature down and stop the allergic reaction in it's tracks.  

Paul and I decided (along with the nurse of course) to monitor my temperature over the next hour with the help of the paracetamol, antihistamine and many pints of water to see if this alone would help without me being admitted into hospital, again, in the middle of the night.

So over the next hour, every 10 minutes Paul took my temperature and slowly but surely it was getting lower and lower, but it was still above the magical 38C (hospital time) temperature.  We called the oncology ward again for further advice and were told that if I was feeling better to keep drinking plenty of water and monitor my temperature as it was going the right way, in the interim, a bed was being prepared for me just in case.  The 10 minute interval temperature taking took us to 4am, where finally it was back down to an acceptable level.

It felt like an achievement to keep me out of hospital this time, we decided to get a bit of sleep, setting the alarm for 5am to check my temperature and make any decisions then.  The alarm sounded almost as soon as it was set it seemed and I was tested again, all seemed ok.  More sleep.  7am, temperature was still ok.

It was a long night but I'd dodged the hospital admittance.  After all that excitement, I was exhausted and slept almost solidly until 6pm Saturday night.  I felt so much better for it.

That's about as eventful as the last week has been thankfully.   I've mainly been in a chemo induced slumber for much of this week, only today have I had some energy.  With the nice weather this weekend, I'm going to make the most of it before round #4 next Friday.  That's a third of the way through chemo!

I will be having a "break" after the 6th chemo session.  By break, I mean 5 weeks of 5 days a week radiotherapy.  The radiotherapy is to prevent anything from coming back from the spot where the tumour was, in the surgeons words, "throwing everything they can at me" to ensure the cancer doesn't return.

Hayley x

...and I'm feeling good!

Sunday 11th March 2012

The fog has lifted, what a difference a few days makes!

Since Friday afternoon, I feel more like the old Hayley.  I feel fit, well, have energy and an appetite!  I've been given the very good advice to treasure these days in between chemo sessions (thank you Joanne).  I've managed 3 meals the past couple of days and have actually enjoyed them.  It's amazing how different I feel, I'm so grateful for this reprieve.

Saturday started a little bit shakily, had a slight whiff of nausea and a sinking feeling.  I took one Domperidone (sounds like Dom Perignon - not as nice but of more use to me at the moment) and one Diazepam and within an hour, I was ready to face the world.  I'm finding Diazepam useful, I'm on the lowest dose and so far I have only taken two...one Friday and one Saturday.  I'm determined to only take it when absolutely necessary, and happily - today has been a drug free day.  I've had so many people on Twitter and Facebook message me to share their experiences of anxiety, I'm humbled by these individuals stories and how they have coped with anxiety and depression - it really helps me.  Many people have used Diazepam to help them through the tough times, I don't feel so alone now.

So, I feel in a positive frame of mind. so here's what's happened....

Nice things I've done and felt this weekend:

Laughed with Paul
Ate good food
Had cake
Not sick
Not tired
Worn make-up
Hardly any anxiety
Walked in the woods
Sat in the sunshine
Spent time with friends (Jo, Dan, Bry, Matt and Vicky)
Flowers from Jo
Hugged my Mum and Dad
Had a good long chat with my Brother
Went to B&Q for ideas on various projects on our house
Not thought about cancer

Looking forward to the next few days of *touch wood* feeling like this before chemo #3.

Hayley x

Post chemo #2 carnage.

Friday 9th March

Well, hello to the world of the living.

After the past weekend's escapades, I had another eventful week which involved the following:

Nausea
Vomiting
Not eating
Fatigue
Chest tightness
Fainting
Ambulance
Hospital
Crying
More crying
Sleeping
More sleeping
Anxiety
Buying an iPad 3

Out of those 14 items, guess which was my favourite.

Chemotherapy, to use a cricketing term which my Dad would be proud of; has knocked me for six.  I believe this is due to the allergic reaction I had last weekend and the hospital not giving me the correct dosage of steroids, post chemo.

Steroids are supposed to make you feel better and give you an appetite after the infusion for a few days after whilst the drug is still whizzing around in your veins.  I was supposed to have 12 tablets spaced over Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  I only got 3.  I protested to the nurses that these were the doses I was supposed to get, but the drug rounds are random at best.

I am in no way knocking the wonderful nurses, they have a very tough job.  I just wished there was some consistency with the care.  I really believe that if I'd been giving the correct dose of steroids I would have had less problems this week with eating.

I'm now at my lowest weight for years.  My mum said I looked skinny when I came out of hospital on Wednesday.  Now, normally I'd be happy with this but as I'm only into chemo #2 I don't want to lose so much that I become too weak.  Crikey, it's a vicious circle!

So, what happened with the ambulance and hospital this week.  What's the drama queen been up to this time?

Foolishly, in my weakened state I decided it would be a good idea to have a hot bath on Wednesday morning.  Normally, I'm a shower kind of girl but baths are supposed to be relaxing. Not so in this case!
The minute I got out I was feeling extremely whoozy, luckily Paul was around as moving from the bathroom into the bedroom I collapsed into a heap on the floor.  Paul panicked (understandably) and I don't really remember what happened until he'd got me onto the bed and told me an ambulance was on the way.

The paramedics turned up and took my stats which were all ok apart from my blood pressure being low.  I naturally have low blood pressure anyway, but this was even low for me.  This is why I'd fainted.  They decided it was a good idea to take me to the hospital to get me checked over (again) and make sure there wasn't anything else more sinister going on.

Blood tests, chest x-ray and blood pressure tests later, it was determined that I have high anxiety and blood pressure was on the low side due to lack of food.  I know I can't f&%*ing eat, but what can I do?!?!  I really am trying, but imagine trying to eat when you feel sick and anxious.  A bit like waiting to go for a job interview, that kind of nervous sickness and then actually being sick.  Just hideous!

I decided enough was enough and had to see my GP.  My GP is a really wonderful doctor and he understands what we've been through the past few months.  There is more than this cancer diagnosis that has made me so uptight, but I will explain in a later post.

I explained to him that my anxiety really is beating me down, no matter how much I try to fight and be strong - I just don't have the energy at the moment.  What with the blood clot on my picc line and then the allergic reaction that scared the Dickens out of me, I'm scared more of what the chemo can do to me rather than being an actual cancer patient, very odd.

I also told him of the sickness and nausea I've been experiencing so he prescribed me two different types of anti-nausea which should do the trick.  Happily, so far today I haven't had any sicky feelings.  I've also been prescribed Diazepam to help with my anxiety.  I feel a little bit defeated by having to take the pill route to calm my nerves, but whatever works is my motto! I am attending a Macmillan course prior to chemo next week to help manage stress and anxiety, so I hope that this will help me rather than relying on the pill method for too long.

Looking forward to a quieter week until chemo next Friday. I'm going to do nice things and post a nice blog entry about it to show you I'm not really all doom and gloom.

Hayley x

Chemotherapy #2

Saturday 3rd March 2012

Well, this is fun!!!

Here I sit for my second night in hospital. I'm typing this entry on my phone so please excuse grammatical and spelling errors!

It all started early yesterday morning with the most excruciating feeling in my left eye. It felt like a hot piece of grit was scratching around in my eye, very strange. I do tend to suffer with mild hayfever so I thought it could just be kicking in early this year, but this felt nasty, could hardly open my eye...but this was to be the least of my worries for the day.

Got to the hospital at 8.30am on Friday for the CT scans on my lungs for anything untoward (picc line blood clot, tumour spread), ended up waiting until 10 to eventually have the scan. A CT scan is a quick and painless process, lie on a bed and move through what looks like a giant polo mint. A lady in the room next door tells you to breathe in, hold it and breathe normally. The most disturbing part of the whole process is when they inject you with the fluid to make the scan clearer. It makes you feel like you've wet yourself, yeah..pleasant!!

Anyway, that was all done and it was just a case of waiting until 1pm for chemo, all this time my eye is still kicking me in the arse. Paul made 4 trips to the pharmacy for me that day, the first being to get me some eye drops to ease the gritty feeling. A few drops later and it was already feeling better.

We went and sat in the Macmillan lounge and a really lovely volunteer chap brought us tea and biscuits, we got chatting. This gent must be in his late 60's I would guess and he told me he is 4 years clear of stage 4 bowel cancer. He spent 40 minutes talking to me about his experiences and we compared our stories. I love hearing about success stories, the fact his cancer was advanced (far more than mine is) and he's still here to tell the tale, despite the odds, living life to the full. It gives me so much hope.

1pm rolled around and it was time to be hooked up to my infusions and start round 2. Again, I felt ok. Sitting there for 3 hours, the time seemed to pass very quickly. Before I knew it the I was being unhooked and sent on my way home.

Walked outside and the cold air hit my eyes and face like hundreds of ice cold pins, such a weird sensation but that's as close as I can describe as to how it feels. Got in the car, Paul whacked the hearing up (he hates hot cars) but what a lamb he is, putting the temp up high to save my twitching face and hands!

Thankfully it only takes 10 minutes to get home, PJ's went straight on, under blanket on the sofa and this is I was intending to spend all weekend.

I should be so lucky!

Two hours later I started to feel bad. Really bad. My temperature was rising steadily, my body was shaking uncontrollably with chills and nausea took over with the eventual vom. Last time I felt this bad I had flu, or when I had glandular fever back when I was 17.

So, as per instructed by the hospital - Paul called the onc ward and told them my symptoms. Paul was already bundling me into the car before the hospital had the chance to tell us to come in.

We got to the hospital 10 minutes later, by this time I was short of breath and my legs were heavy and aching, feeling very poorly indeed.

Once we'd got to the onc ward, we were told to sit in a room whilst they prepared a bed. Pants. That really meant I was going to stay in.

After a hours wait, the on call dr tried to get a cannula in my arm. I'm not joking when I say my right arm is now battered, black and blue from bruises. She must have tried 5 times in that arm and 3 times in my left hand. My veins are shot to pieces, they are so sick of needles. The doctor finally got the cannula in my left hand, only with the help of Paul squeezing the life out my arm to get a vein to show.

Normally, the hospital would use my picc line to take bloods but the pump is attached at the moment. The doctor took blood to test for white and red blood count as well as platelets and to see if there was any infection. Whilst this was happening, I was getting hotter, chills and a rather aggressive rash was developing on my arms, face and chest.

Eventually, I got a bed and laid down ready to just pass out, I was exhausted. The doctor got the blood tests back and my levels were ok, I was pleased that I hadn't developed Neutropenia but it turned out that I was having a rather nasty allergic reaction to part of my chemo regime, so strange as I didn't have any of this last time!? The CT scan results from earlier in the day were also checked due to my breathlessness and happily the results were described as 'beautifully clear'. What a relief. Not only are there no clots, but also no evidence of cancer spread. The lungs is one of the most common places bowel cancer will metastasise.

The treatment plan for a drug rash is anti histamines, so I was injected with some concoction and told to take paracetamol to reduce my rocketing temperature of 39.7. I just wanted to sleep but I was incredibly hot, the rash was burning me so badly.

I had a very restless night, but managed a little sleep.

Morning came and I was already feeling a bit better, but not really looking it. The rash had completely enveloped my body but my temperature had gone back down to a more acceptable level. The day continued uneventfully, my onc is on call this weekend so came to see me. My chemo was safe to continue (thankfully) and anti histamines will be another drug I will have to take throughout my treatment.

So here I am, Saturday night. In hospital again. I'm on a nice ward with three other lovely ladies so it's not terrible. I've been told I should be able to go home tomorrow, fingers crossed!

Hayley x

Food (not so), Glorious Food

Wednesday 29th February

Urgh, food.

I never thought I'd ever say that.

I've always been a lover of food, eating it, cooking it, watching endless hours of cookery shows and collecting vast numbers of recipe books.  I fear my love affair with food has come to an end with this cancer diagnosis.

I know it's a necessity to eat, I know that it will keep my strength up through my chemo but almost all food has lost it's appeal now.

I'm really cross about this.  The joy of going out to dinner, looking forward to perusing the menu and eating the finished product seems so alien to me now.  I hate the fact that cancer has taken this joy away from me.  I'm sure and I hope, that it will be a temporary thing.

Truth is, I'm scared to eat some things now, in case it encourages my cancer to return.  No more red meat, no more sausages or bacon, absolutely nothing processed, any food with sugar or too much salt is mostly a thing of the past to me.  I fear it, I was never a massive eater of these things, but the very thought of having to eat these things now makes me feel sick.

I stare insanely at all the nutritional values of the foods I eat, and if I even think it's got too much of a good (bad) thing in it, I dismiss it and will find something that will be more bland and healthy.

Trying to eat healthily with practically no large bowel presents challenges.  I'm eating more fruit, veg, nuts etc than ever before...lots of cancer beating vitamins, minerals and antioxidants...but what does that do?  Makes my stomach ache and the inevitable rush to the loo.  Can't flaming win!!  I was told by the surgeon that my tummy will adapt, but it could take months.  Guess I should be more patient, but when you're told that these foods help through chemo, you immediately jump to give your body the best chance.  Stupid bowel cancer.

This is all before the cumulative side effects of chemo kick in.  I may not get them, but foods tasting different and mouth sores appearing could hinder the urge to eat all the more. I've picked up some useful books relating to this subject from the Macmillan lounge at the hospital and all the advise and recipes look very practical, I will try to follow these but I know it's going to be a struggle.

Crikey, that was a moany blog entry! I'll be more chipper next time.

Chemo #2 this Friday, that means I'm a sixth of the way through.  One way to look at it I suppose!

Hayley x