Post chemo #2 carnage.

Friday 9th March

Well, hello to the world of the living.

After the past weekend's escapades, I had another eventful week which involved the following:

Nausea
Vomiting
Not eating
Fatigue
Chest tightness
Fainting
Ambulance
Hospital
Crying
More crying
Sleeping
More sleeping
Anxiety
Buying an iPad 3

Out of those 14 items, guess which was my favourite.

Chemotherapy, to use a cricketing term which my Dad would be proud of; has knocked me for six.  I believe this is due to the allergic reaction I had last weekend and the hospital not giving me the correct dosage of steroids, post chemo.

Steroids are supposed to make you feel better and give you an appetite after the infusion for a few days after whilst the drug is still whizzing around in your veins.  I was supposed to have 12 tablets spaced over Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  I only got 3.  I protested to the nurses that these were the doses I was supposed to get, but the drug rounds are random at best.

I am in no way knocking the wonderful nurses, they have a very tough job.  I just wished there was some consistency with the care.  I really believe that if I'd been giving the correct dose of steroids I would have had less problems this week with eating.

I'm now at my lowest weight for years.  My mum said I looked skinny when I came out of hospital on Wednesday.  Now, normally I'd be happy with this but as I'm only into chemo #2 I don't want to lose so much that I become too weak.  Crikey, it's a vicious circle!

So, what happened with the ambulance and hospital this week.  What's the drama queen been up to this time?

Foolishly, in my weakened state I decided it would be a good idea to have a hot bath on Wednesday morning.  Normally, I'm a shower kind of girl but baths are supposed to be relaxing. Not so in this case!
The minute I got out I was feeling extremely whoozy, luckily Paul was around as moving from the bathroom into the bedroom I collapsed into a heap on the floor.  Paul panicked (understandably) and I don't really remember what happened until he'd got me onto the bed and told me an ambulance was on the way.

The paramedics turned up and took my stats which were all ok apart from my blood pressure being low.  I naturally have low blood pressure anyway, but this was even low for me.  This is why I'd fainted.  They decided it was a good idea to take me to the hospital to get me checked over (again) and make sure there wasn't anything else more sinister going on.

Blood tests, chest x-ray and blood pressure tests later, it was determined that I have high anxiety and blood pressure was on the low side due to lack of food.  I know I can't f&%*ing eat, but what can I do?!?!  I really am trying, but imagine trying to eat when you feel sick and anxious.  A bit like waiting to go for a job interview, that kind of nervous sickness and then actually being sick.  Just hideous!

I decided enough was enough and had to see my GP.  My GP is a really wonderful doctor and he understands what we've been through the past few months.  There is more than this cancer diagnosis that has made me so uptight, but I will explain in a later post.

I explained to him that my anxiety really is beating me down, no matter how much I try to fight and be strong - I just don't have the energy at the moment.  What with the blood clot on my picc line and then the allergic reaction that scared the Dickens out of me, I'm scared more of what the chemo can do to me rather than being an actual cancer patient, very odd.

I also told him of the sickness and nausea I've been experiencing so he prescribed me two different types of anti-nausea which should do the trick.  Happily, so far today I haven't had any sicky feelings.  I've also been prescribed Diazepam to help with my anxiety.  I feel a little bit defeated by having to take the pill route to calm my nerves, but whatever works is my motto! I am attending a Macmillan course prior to chemo next week to help manage stress and anxiety, so I hope that this will help me rather than relying on the pill method for too long.

Looking forward to a quieter week until chemo next Friday. I'm going to do nice things and post a nice blog entry about it to show you I'm not really all doom and gloom.

Hayley x