Chemotherapy #12

Well here it is, my last dose of poison is still coursing through my veins, but at 4.30pm tomorrow - my last 5FU pump will be removed!

I hope with all the will in the world, that this will my last ever session of chemotherapy.

I started my journey with bowel cancer in December last year. A week before my operation to remove the tumour, I looked like this:

Depressed, sad and unbeknownst to me - incredibly poorly. It saddens me to look at this. It brings back a lot of painful feelings. I think it's important to look upon it and know how far I've come.

I looked like this yesterday:

Tired, but happy. I know which one I prefer!

I feel a little bit in limbo. I am of course, thrilled that the treatment is done. I'll no longer have a second home in Queen Alexandra hospital in Portsmouth and I will start to feel stronger with each passing week. The next big thing to look forward to is the removal of my picc line. A lot of people have it removed as soon as treatment is done, but I'm keeping it in for two weeks longer. Two reasons for this; I had a hospital admission during my treatment, so just in case I do need to be admitted for anything, my picc can be used and no one need brutalise my non existent veins to get a cannula in. Second reason, word on the street is that I may need a second blood transfusion due to anaemia. By no means a bad thing for me, I'll feel super perky afterwards.

Truth is, my bloods were at the bottom of the barrel on this chemo, I am Neutropenic but not dangerously so. I needed to make a score of 1 for chemo, I was 1.2 (eeek). I only *just* made it, on time. This was all I could have asked for.

On 24th October, I'll be having my first post treatment CT scan. Last time I had one in May, it was clear, I hope that I can make it a second clear result. I won't find out until 4 weeks after - I may have no finger nails left but I'm remaining positive that it will be clear.

I'm no way near out of the woods yet. My journey will continue for the rest of my life, hoping it will be a very long one.
I will celebrate with caution once I know the results of my scan. My task now is to look after myself, feel better and enjoy my life.

Life is a beautiful gift and I am so grateful I have it.

With tears in my eyes I thank my husband, my family and all my friends - old and new for all the love, support and generally putting up with me through this difficult time in my life. I will always need you in my life.

Thank you Autumn, I love you everyday more and more. I know you continue to protect me. My beautiful sweet girl. I carry you with me always.

This isn't quite the end of me writing on this blog. I'll be back with results and anything else I feel like boring you with. Until then, I may just hibernate for a few days!

Hayley x