It's been a while since I've written anything, I've been busy living my life and feeling a little more normal.
The past few weeks have been great. Went to see Wicked in London, eating out loads and seeing friends. It's almost as if I wasn't a cancer patient. I'm looking forward to more of this come November time when I should be finished with treatment.
So, I've had five sessions of radiotherapy already! That's a fifth of the way through my 25 sessions. So far I don't feel too bad, I feel a bit tired by the end of the day but that's to be expected. With this particular treatment it attacks the red blood cells more, hence the tiredness. I'm probably on the road to anaemia again, but nothing that a couple of bags of donated blood can't sort out If needed. I've also had a bit of the dreaded tum pain, I just don't think my tum likes being tampered with - be it chemo or rads, it likes to be left alone and behaves itself when it's left to its own devices!
So what's radiotherapy like? I can only speak for myself, other people may have different experiences.
The whole process takes ten minutes at most. Every week day, I'm led into a giant room and lie on a table under a device that looks like something that wouldn't look out of place in a sci fi movie. The lovely medical staff then position me using the tattoos I had on my lower pelvic to target the radiation in the exact area where my tumour was taken away.
Once I'm in the correct position I have to lie very still whilst the giant whirly disc moves over me making what sounds like a camera zooming in, pointing at my left lower pelvic area. The actual zap takes no more than 2-3 minutes, it's over very quickly. I don't feel a thing whilst I'm being fried, it's basically a little lay down whilst Heart FM blasts Goyte's 'Someone That I Used To Know' from the radio. Proof that their playlist is recycled everyday. I can honestly say that out of the 5 times I've been, it's been on 3 times.
So far so good. I haven't had the immediate and severe side effects that chemo has given me. That's not to say I won't...reading the Macmillan guides regarding radiotherapy, it's possible that side effects won't present themselves for many years. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it!
The other late effect that really does worry me is that I will probably be rendered infertile, particularly after radiotherapy.
We met with the doctor who performed the IVF procedure on me this morning. It was good news in the respect that the embryos that we have stored are in excellent condition. In fact, she said they were the best she'd seen. Go us!!! However, it's not all as easy as popping them back in when we want babies.
Life is never that simple!
Dr I explained that although the embryos have very high chances of working brilliantly, my body may no longer be a suitable place to nurture a baby. My oncologist recommended that no shielding was to be used in my lower pelvic region to give the radiotherapy the best chance of zapping any rogue cancer cells. This means my ovaries and womb are exposed to the radiation, that isn't good! The likelihood of my womb working after the radiotherapy is very low. So potentially, the only option for us to have our own babies is to donate our embryos to a surrogate mother.
I feel like an ungrateful whiner when I say this really hurts me.
We've been lucky enough to get IVF granted in between my surgery and start of treatment - we still have a shot or 9 shots to be exact) at having our own child, but I so desperately wanted to carry our child. I feel bitter about it, I know I shouldn't but I do, that's how it is. I feel that cancer has taken away enough already without this as well.
It becomes a case of hiring lawyers to ensure everything is done above board and at the end of it all, if the surrogate mother wants to keep the baby, she can. Their is nothing we can do to stop that. I know it's not the worst thing that can happen in the grand scheme of life, but I can't help but feel disappointed at the prospect of not being able to carry our baby.
Ok, I'm going to give myself a big slap now. Time to buck up and look forward to the end of all this treatment and finding a surrogate mother ;-)
Hayley x
