I'm enjoying my treatment break, but now I'm feeling strong again, I find myself impatient to start radiotherapy, which starts on the 6th of June. Strange, but I just want to push on and get it all done and dusted.
Stomach pains have disappeared, energy levels are rising and appetite had been restored. The only lingering side effect is the neuropathy. It catches me out. Whether it be washing my hands (must remember to run the hot tap for a few seconds), taking stuff out of the fridge / freezer or walking on a cold floor without the benefit of warm socks. It's fairly immediate and vicious, but if is this and the op scars is all I take away from this part of my life, then I'm thankful.
I heard a quote the other day, 'Cancer isn't something I have, but something my body is doing.' I feel like I can relate to this. When I first heard my diagnosis, all I could think of was death. Cancer = death. I was wrong. My diagnosis, although not ideal does not mean I'm going to die from it. I'm currently cancer free and I embrace this wholeheartedly, I know their is a possibility that it can come back but why worry about this when I don't know that it will? We all die, I've been given a glimpse of my own mortality and although it sounds terribly cliched, I appreciate my life even more. It's changed me as a person, I'm not scared - I feel a new confidence.
Until recently, I couldn't see past the treatment - now all I can see is holidays away with Paul, having fun with family and friends (of whom, I have to say are the best a person could wish for) and having our family we have always wished for. I can't think of a better way to celebrate our daughters gift to me than having a little brother or sister (or both) to whom we can share our wonderful story of their big sister, Autumn.
I now realise how very lucky I am. I have an amazing husband, supportive family and friends and many happy memories in the making. I have an awful lot to live for and I fully intend to, for many more years.
Hayley x
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